"He don't want you, girl!"
One of the sweetest things that someone could offer you is a minute of their time. Going into college, I had little to no experience dating. I was in a long-term relationship during high school, yes, but it was an unhealthy one. It was also the only dating experience that I had ever had. Navigating the dating scene was already a difficult feat, and it didn’t help much that I didn’t have a compass packed.
I had things all wrong. I had mistaken a man’s advances and pursuit as genuine interest. I didn’t quite learn that sometimes a man could and would pursue you when they did not have your best interest at heart. Nah. Actually, I knew that-- I just didn’t know that some men went to such great lengths to waste your time when they didn’t foresee any significant growth in your relationship.
I did myself the disservice of constantly engaging with men who could give a damn about engaging with me-- and what was worse is that I made excuses for them. In conversations with my friends, my God, and myself, I always made these damn excuses. Looking back on it, I exhibited some pretty embarrassing behavior.
There was one time, in particular, that I was talking to this dude who always hyped our interactions but rarely had time to hang out. He just started a new job with a pretty great company, so I attributed his lack of time to that. It was fair. Things became weird, though. I remember always hoping that our great conversations would manifest into quality time. I wanted the opportunity to build our relationship, but whenever plans were made, I could count on them being cancelled. Everything else seemed perfect-- it was just that one pattern that wasn’t adding up. So still, I made excuses.
One of my dearest friends once told me, “People make time for the people and things that they care for,” and I unabashedly took it with a grain of salt. “He’s just busy, girl,” was the poison that dripped from my tongue. I was being foolish.
If there is one thing that the universe is good at, it’s giving your ass a blind-sighting revelation when you need one.
We were supposed to meet at a small local coffee shop on a Saturday at 3:00 PM. I arrived at 2:45 PM after again confirming the day of. I ordered a caramel macchiato and a scone. I realized that I really fucking hated scones.
2:56 PM. I texted him and told him that I was there. No answer. Maybe he was on the subway.
3:05 PM. Maybe something was up with the subway.
I hit the home button on my iPhone. 3:10 PM.
I hit the home button on my iPhone. 3:23 PM.
3:24 PM. 3:35 PM. 3:45 PM. 3:57 PM.
Still no response.
I left that coffee shop, and I was grateful. I was grateful that the universe had to embarrass me and stand me up in order to impart such an important lesson. If someone doesn’t care about you then they’re not going to care enough about you to make any good impressions. Especially when you are feeding into their games. Why should they work to do the things that you would like if you’re giving them attention for free? The best thing that someone could offer you if they’re interested is a few minutes of their time-- and a tablespoon of their undivided attention.
P.S. After I deaded him over being stood-up, he did have an excuse. He had got caught up with some work, and his phone was dead. He was truly, truly sorry. He really, really wanted to make it up to me. Fortunately, I was no longer interested.