4 Steps to Help You Become A Greater Heaux (and not a hater heaux)

It is so important that we no longer wait for the beginning of a new year to become a better person. The importance of finding peace and happiness within yourself is significant. Without beginning this journey, it is impossible to live a life that is truly yours and easy to be under the control of others. You find yourself constantly awaiting reparations from those who have hurt you, and you always feel the need to prove yourself to people who have not even proven themselves worthy of your love and attention.

You find yourself constantly awaiting reparations from those who have hurt you, and you always feel the need to prove yourself to people who have not even proven themselves worthy of your love and attention.

Lately, I’ve been on a (spiritual?) journey. I have curriculum and goals that are very specific to my needs and the direction in which I would like to walk. I’m not there completely, but that will never discourage me from sharing what I’ve been learning and beckoning others to walk with me.

These are a few teachings that I have held close to me and that have helped propel me into a life of more clarity, peace, and happiness.

...in short, these things have helped me move away from my familiar petty ways and steered me clear of a "cut-a-bitch" attitude.

1. Not everything deserves a reaction.

When you’re young, you think that it’s cute to be the pop-off queen. I will admit that I had a bit of a temper for the better half of my life, but one day, I realized that not everything deserved my energy. There was no need to defend my honor verbally or physically because in doing that, I gave the person opposite of me power. My pride wasn’t that strong. In practicing this, I eventually began to truly believe that people and whatever they had to say did not matter to me. I wasn’t wasting any more time proving myself to any damn body.


2. Forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself.

I’m so great at holding a grudge. When someone would upset or anger me, I would want them to feel my wrath. I wanted my retaliation (whether it be through silence or calculated pain) to stab and sting. This seemed to work until I realized that in doing this, I was hindering myself from moving on. I had to spend some of my precious energy in order to get a bit of a reaction (or none at all) from someone. Nah. Wasn’t worth it.


3. Comparison is the thief of joy.

With social media, it is so easy to see what goes on in the lives of others or the facades that they may be putting on. Do yourself a favor, and limit your scrolling every now and then. (Check out my post about social media can affect our mental health here.) Not everyone is who they portray to be, and sometimes, people really do put on for the sake of looking good to others. Trust me, not everyone is making the moves that they claim to be making or else they wouldn't be sitting their ass on Twitter telling us about it all of the time.

Sometimes you can discourage yourself by comparing your journey to another person’s. Your journey isn’t meant to mimic anyone else's. Create your own footprints.


4. Give yourself closure.

Similar to forgiveness, closure is also a gift that you must give yourself. A few years ago, I was in a terrible relationship, and when things broke off, I found myself craving some sort of closure in order to move forward with my life. I was giving another person the power to tell me that it was okay to carry on. I spoke to a friend of mine about the situation, and they told me that sometimes you have to give yourself closure-- you can’t wait for someone else to do that for you. When I decided to take this advice, I began to find happiness again


Each of the steps described are things that take time. I still have to remain intentional about following through. These things don’t always come so easily, but you must remember that a habit can be built. You must also remember that sometimes you make mistakes. It doesn’t mean that you give up. You must remember that you always have the power to try again. Be greater, not a hater, boo! 

Comment below, and let me know what steps you have taken to get a better peace of mind! And don't forget to share! 

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